Creation writing inspired by a conversation with Alice

Planetary Transformation, it’s personal! Starts with me, by acknowledging the pain, investigate the wound. To ignore the emotional element is to step over an important feedback component. I’m finding new ways of being that allow for release of old patterns. I’m creating fulfilment, abundant joy and happiness. I’m hospicing old ways of being personally and old institutions globally. I am midwifing new ways of being personally and new institutions globally. I’m creating ways for people in my communities to access personal transformation as a way to bring about planetary transformation.

As the personal is political, the global is local, so local that i can be responsible for the transformation of the planet through my own attention to my personal journey through the morass, and into my full, true, powerful self. To realize the creation of my life and all life on the planet begins with me. That i can be mindful and conscientious of the future i’m creating for myself and the planet. When i am negative, aggressive, miserable, that’s what i bring to planetary transformation. When i stand in willingness to develop my capacity to let go of fear and reactivity, i generate love and beauty as my contribution to planetary transformation. This is the opening for action.

If Homer got it, when will the rest of us? Angst & Garnaut

Reading the articles in response to the Garnaut report has me a lil fired up. Here’s a big reality check, and people don’t want to face it, calling it a case of “Global Shock Therapy“. I suppose it’s not surprising that people don’t want to face up to the reality, have faith in science, embrace the paradox and accept uncertainty. But i wonder what it will take, how many people need to die before people wake up? Is it naive to hope that us humans will use our smarts to face the global crisis?

What will it take to have us responding from love instead of reacting in fear? The Boxing Day Tsunami gave us a glimpse of that, clearly we are capable. If Homer Simpson can realize that it’s about community, not individual self-interest in the Simpson’s Movie, then surely the rest of us can come on board and get into being Global Citizens!

Garnaut called for a response “beyond Kyoto”, this was characterized in the “Global Shock Therapy” article as calling for a new mindset. DUH! How many times does it need to be said? Ok, I remind myself that the paradigm shift is happening, the Great Turning is upon us, yet doubt seeps in. Will we make it? Will the shift accelerate in time to prevent catastrophe? This is the greatest uncertainty i must accept, i can’t know, i can only act on my faith and hope that it will, and come from my love for this planet, my larger eco-self, including all who see no need for the shift, all who adhere to the status quo, those holding to “that’s just the way it is”.

It’s not been easy to step outside my comfort zone and look at different perspectives to face this crisis from, so it’s time for compassion, for patience, for trust. Time to balance my feeling of being compelled, obliged to take action to move the paradigm shift along, with trusting that it will happen at the speed it’s meant to, that others are working on it as well, as part of this global eco-system, this global movement toward harmony, instead of focusing just on those who appear as obstacles. It’s not “us and them” it’s all US, WE are all in this together, and to find space in my acceptance and compassion, is vital. Oh grant me the patience!

Stay tuned: A global response to the global crisis is coming to a community near you. We can only hope, well, i guess we could also work toward it, oh, yeah, i already am! Me doing my bit ain’t gona cut it. We are all responsible. Global citizens, stand up & be heard!

A sorry day – historic and healing

The day began with my tram ride to work. I passed Federation Square filled with people, preparing to watch the “sorry” speech. The apology to the Aboriginal people of Australia. I longed to join the throngs of people witnessing the historic event. I felt sad that i couldn’t join them. I tried to see if i could get any live coverage on my phone, no luck.

At the top of the stairs in the office building where i work i could hear the speech loud on a radio. I followed the sound, asked the staff in the PR agency at the opposite end of the hall from my office if i could join them.

We stared at the screen of the live coverage, slightly delayed from the sound coming from the blaring radio. It gave us a visual of who was in the parliament chambers, and on the lawns watching the big screen outside. We could see when the applause and cheers happened, mostly coming from the largely aboriginal audience in the spectators seats. Most of the politicians looked serious and unemotional, except for the occasional nod of agreement by labour members.

I watched silently with the strangers in the office 15 metres away from my desk, i felt pride, and the emotion i’m growing familiar with, the joy/sadness, deep heartfelt welling up, gladness, sorrow, a place of healing.

I could scarcely believe what i was hearing, the Government of Australia admitting the shadow on the soul of the nation, the mistreatment of the people of the worlds oldest culture, the first people of this land.

I felt proud to be Australian, to be part of a nation-wide acknowledgement of the need for healing and a new approach to reconciliation. It brought up so many emotions, not the least of which was an awareness that i needed to get to my office at the other end of the building to prepare for a presentation!

I wanted to reach out to the people with whom i shared this witnessing experience but as soon as the speech ended i ducked out, thanking them for letting me listen with them, hoping i’d see them in the building again soon. My co-worker Natasha had just finished listening to it as well, we talked breifly about it before getting onto the days work.

That evening i had a meeting to plan for an upcoming workshop of the Work that Reconnects that i’m co-facilitating. I struggled to get there, trying to finish a report before leaving work. I arrived feeling drained and glad for the Indian food at the restaurant we met at.

I normally put my phone away for meetings but i’d brought it out to enter a meeting date into the calendar. There was a text message from my dad letting me know that Barbara MacAdams died in her sleep the night before.  I couldn’t help but go into another emotional space and tuned the meeting out for a few mintues reflecting on how much i respected and admired the woman i called my ‘grandmother in-law’.

She was my dad’s sisters, ex-husband’s mother, my cousins grandma. Because she lived in North Vancouver i saw her more often that my own grandmothers while we lived in the area during the 80s. I enjoyed her more than most people at that age, connecting with her was effortless, and conversations were unlike those i normally had with people of that generation. There was something really likeable about her and i felt i could relate to her.

I’m sad to hear of her passing, especially on top of the death of my maternal grandmother in January. It feels like  a bit of  a double whammy. And i feel for my cousins and uncle. I had no idea the impact of the loss of Grandma Nichols would have on me. Barbara’s death was sudden and unexpected, and although my grandma’s death was anticipated for many years, i realize i’d taken for granted that these matriarchs would be around for a long time.
Once i mentaly returned to the meeting, i let them know where i’d gone and apologised for not being present, they were very understanding and didn’t hesitate to catch me up and ask about her at the end of the meeting.

When i got home, Emma had candles and fairy lights on in our room. It’s our 28 month anniversary. We try to do something special on the 13th of each month to honour it. I told her how i was feeling and she gave me the space to grieve and express the mix of emotions.

I felt sorry that i hadn’t visited Barb when we were in Vancouver on our trip to Canada. I felt empathy for Sally, Simon and David and hoped my messages to each of them had offered some comfort.

Another day of emotion unbridled. It feels like a phase or perhaps a new awareness of being with emotion when i would have stuffed it down in the past. Blessed be emotional freedom!

This the best quote from my mom ever!

“It is only through personal transformation that global transformation will happen…like getting rid of our own personal pollution…(such as) intolerance etc…”

joy inside sadness

Each day my heart breaks open holding sadness and joy simultaneously. The stories fill my heart to overflowing. The mayor of New York deeming all taxis be hybrid cars, scientific reports of climate change happening faster, january being 3 degrees above normal…the video of “challenge day” where a bully apologized to the millions of people he’d bullied. That one brought the most tears.

Learning about the context that had my grandmother fearing she’d become a single mother in the 1950’s, bringing me to compassion for my grandfather after secretly despising his poor treatment of grandma. May they rest in peace.

Each of these stories breaks my heart, the more I open to the pain, the greater my capacity to feel the joys. It all evoke a heart opening emotion, uncommonly familiar… sometimes feels like sadness but not separate from joy, it all folds into one.

Makes me think of a Tich Naht Hahn quote in Joanna Macy’s “world as lover, world as self”:
I still arrive, in order to laugh and cry,
to fear and hope.
The rhythm of my heart is the birth and death
of all that is alive.