Day 23: Unconditioning

It’s baby day. We have had the pleasure of spending time with two different friends that both have kids under two. Both are very environmentally conscious moms using cloth nappies and parenting according to what they believe is right in combination with the research they’ve done, not just what they learned by default from their own parents. I really appreciate that. How else are we going to progress our conditioning from bad to slightly less bad?

One of the moms was saying ‘yes’ to her child a fair bit. She explained that she was aware of how much kids hear the word ‘no’ and for many it’s one of the first words they learn. Sure, they’re differentiating themselves, learning boundaries and asserting their power. All of that is really important but perhaps there’s a balance to be struck. Learning to love ourselves includes saying no and having clear boundaries AND it’s also about saying yes, yes to ourselves, yes to receiving love and contribution from others and saying yes to life.

We learn to limit ourselves so quickly. We are conditioned to respond to limitation and curtail our expression from a very young age. Our parents thought they were teaching us how to safely and respectfully be in the world, to fit in, to behave appropriately. We also learned that we can’t have what we want, can’t express our desires and of course many of babyTus interpret it ever further to believe we can’t be who we are. So how the hell are we supposed to be authentic. What does that even mean? We are conditioned to move so far away from the essence of who we are that we spend the rest of our lives trying to find out who we are at our core, the long process of rediscovering ourselves, letting go of conditioning, baggage and false notions of who we think the world wants us to be.

Perhaps this is the human journey, perhaps it is what we are here to learn. To forget who we are and rediscover ourselves. What would it be like if we didn’t forget? Who would we be if we didn’t have to spend so much time rediscovering ourselves? Imagine what we could achieve if all (or even some) of that was out of the way and we were encouraged from birth to fully step into our authentic selves, valued for the unique, wild, wonderful and exquisite beings that we are! Would it be chaos? Would it be a harmonious existence that enabled the development of new ways of being on earth that was starkly different from the existence we have now? What would the planet look like?

I wonder if we would grow up loving ourselves and not have to spend time learning how to do that as an adult. Can you imagine?

3 thoughts on “Day 23: Unconditioning

  1. i can assure you that you were allowed to be your wild, wonderful, unique self when you were young–probably changed when your parent’s marriage ended and you felt you had to caretake your mother in her distress.

    • I thought you might have something to say about this mom. I remember the batman costume and tree climbing and running free around the neighborhood with hardly any clothes on. I feel lucky to have had that experience and know that these are freedoms a young girl is less likely to experience growing up today. She’s more likely to be dressed in pink and inside playing on the computer or iPad, kept away from the dangers of the world. I see the world as an adventure, not a dangerous place. Thank you for that. And yes, my world changed when you and dad split, my childhood ended rapidly and I learned to take care of you. There are as many benefits as drawbacks to that experience and I am clear it’s a big part of what I’m here to learn. Balancing caring for others with caring for myself, putting myself first, holding the space for others distress while maintaining my own power and strenght. Yesterday I watched a friend unable to keep even a few sips of water down as the nausea of her first trimester has her in it’s grip, a great lesson in being with a woman I know as brilliant and powerful in a most vulnerable state, being with her, knowing I can’t rescue her or make it better other than to simply be there.

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