Water body

Twice today my body was immersed in water. First for an hour in the floatation tank, 800lbs of salt in a big beautiful pod were your body is buoyant, held, floating fully relaxed.

The second time I was doing laps at the pool with my partner. Third week in a row. Water bourne exercise. Almost the opposite of the chilled out nature of the float.

Another encounter with water today was the counselling session I had, first time with a new therapist, first time in a few years since I last sat in the chair. Her approach brings in a bit more somatic work and body wisdom which I’m looking forward to but also a bit freaked out by and named. She was great, I talked about how my awkward self might struggle a bit, but cognitively I know it’s a good thing, just might take a bit to get the rest of me there.

I did manage to dive deep enough into the pain and water came out of my eyes. There’s been so much that’s happened this year, and I’ve been really good at putting my pain aside and getting on with it. My body wasn’t so cool with that, after three weeks of illness, insomnia was the next thing to alert me to the need to do some serious self-care. So floating, swimming and therapy are all part of that plan. I’m getting started and it feels good.

 

This blog post is 25 in 45 posts for 45 years.

Permission

I give myself permission to miss a couple of days of blogging.

I give myself permission to not be thrilled with the plebiscite results.

I give myself permission to feel the pain and grief that came up for me just before and during the outcome.

I give myself permission to regret that I didn’t go to the places my people were gathered to find out the results and be in community.

I give myself permission to be glad my workplace is a safe place to be out, and to be emotional.

I give myself permission to change my mind and go into the city to be with friends.

I give myself permission to celebrate and feel that it’s a good day to be gay.

I give myself permission to celebrate in a way that suits me.

I give myself permission to be annoyed at the neighbour complaining the music was too loud, I give myself permission to lose respect for him being so over the top and not hearing me say I’d turn it down at least 10 times in response to his vitriol.

I give myself permission to feel bad.

I give myself permission to feel good.

I give myself permission to be complex.

I give myself permission to be human.

I give myself permission to be real about my experience.

 

Thank you to Brené Brown for inspiring me to give myself permission.

 

This post is 23 in 45 posts for 45 years.

Day 3 Light and Fluffy

I usually write about business and leadership and have no shortage of ideas for what to write. After yesterday’s post, I wanted to write about something light and fluffy. I struggled to publish something that I really wanted to mull over more and spend more time refining but with my commitment to do daily posts, I pressed publish with quite a bit of trepidation.

And this post doesn’t seem to want to be written either, this is my second attempt after the first draft had an “error – couldn’t be published” or some such infuriating message.

Why is it so hard to think of something light and fluffy to write about? It reminds me of when I was at an interview with Apple. They do these big group interviews, I think there were 50 of us. The one I went to a couple years earlier was less than 20 around a big table. This one had us introducing ourselves and doing small group role plays to see how we interact.

For the introduction, they asked us to say something we’re passionate about as long as it wasn’t anything to do with Apple. I wracked my brain, not sure what I’d say, it had been years since I’d been in a job interview and I’d honestly never had this question, especially not in a large group. I said something about being passionate about companies that use business as a force for good.

She asked me a second question, probing for a bit more humanness, she wanted to know what I normally do when I’m not working, like on a Saturday morning. I mumbled, “Probably walking my dogs.” She asked about my dogs, what kind they are and how many, when I said three she asked if I was an animal lover. Yes, I answered, and thought to myself, what a boring answer, have I become boring in my old age? There was only one person older than me in the group.

What I have learned about myself, not from failing to get a second interview at my second interview with Apple in two years, but from a happiness survey, is that I’m happiest when I’m outside walking my dogs. 

For over 5 years I’ve been doing a set of happiness surveys with trackyourhappiness.org every 6 months. It consistently shows that my happiness rating tops out when I’m walking the dogs. I didn’t realise it played such an important role in my life. But when I think about it, this is what gets me out of the house twice a day, gives me fresh air, exercise, a good dose of nature that nurtures me.

There you go, how is that for light and fluffy?

 

45 for 45 Day One

I turned 45 yesterday. I was at Liat’s Open Floor 5 Rhythms dance in the morning fresh off the night before where we had a celebration at our new home. It was a housewarming and birthday gathering of friends and family which was really lovely. At dance had a lot on my mind and when I’m in that space my mind and body open up completely. I had a few thoughts about sharing more of myself and my daily experience.

So here we are, on day one of 45 days to commemorate my 45 trips around the sun! Today I had my first float in about 5 months. I really miss it. With all the chaos of moving house, I couldn’t commit to any times that might have to be changed at short notice with our pending house settlement. Since we moved in, I’ve been settling into a new normal.

Being able to float in the tank this morning was a welcome experience. I’ve been struggling to sleep the last few weeks and tho I had a great sleep between the party and dance the following night was not as good. They say an hour in the tank is worth about two hours of sleep, which is SO needed right now.Floatation-tank

Feeling my body relax completely, floating in 800lbs of salt water was dreamy. Total stillness, darkness an silence. I actually felt sad when the music came on, signaling 5 minutes left. I’ve had a couple of floats where I anticipated the end of the session, not as able to relax as I’d like. But today my body was keen for the relaxation. More of this to come!