Giving my shadow side permission to write leads to raw writing:

I’ll be honest. If you went to the races or bet on a horse today, I’m judging you. You don’t need my approval by any stretch, nor do I need yours. I have strong beliefs about how animals are treated and I see the races as a glorified excuse to binge drink in fancy clothing. Nothing to do with horses. Horse racing is an afterthought to many who attend the races. This breaks my heart. And when I allow myself to get really dark, it disgusts me.

There are plenty of reasons to get dressed up, and if you really want to wear a fascinator, you don’t need the races to give you that reason. There are plenty of reasons to party, but using horse racing as an excuse it pretty sad. Especially considering how the welfare of the horses seems to take a back seat when it comes to the races.

I know people in the equine industry both as hobbyists and professionals and most of them care deeply for the horses. They aren’t who my judgement is for. It’s for the mindless party that doesn’t want to know what happens to the horses before, during or after the races. There are plenty of meme’s and posts and websites and even billboards that provide us with an opportunity to get educated about how the horses are treated.

And to be transparent, before the final race today, I found myself thinking about looking for evidence to support my view about poor treatment of these beautiful animals. But this isn’t about evidence, this is about what the races have become. It’s about feeling deeply saddened when I see photos of people I know going to the races, and hearing about people placing bets to gamble on the outcomes. This just seems ridiculous to me. It’s about the principle of not wanting to support something that is so bad for the physical welling of the horses. I can’t conscience being supportive of it.

I won’t apologise for judging you for going to the races or for betting, and you need not apologise for how you respond to my judgement. Let’s release ourselves from “I’m sorry but,…”  We can have different perspectives on it. I won’t unfriend you, but I will respect you just a bit less. I want you to care as much as I do but I recognise that different things are important to different people, horses for courses if you will. I’m not even going to ask you to reconsider your perspective, if you’ve read this far, you’re most likely aligned with my passion for animal rights. If you have and you are, thank you.


This post is day 16 of 45 posts for 45 years.

Day 19: Why do we do what we do?

This morning I woke up to the dogs alerting me to someone at the door. It was my neighbor with my chooks in hand, upside down, by the feet. They seemed quite relaxed, so much so that I thought they were dead at first. I don’t know how they got into their yard. “They were eating my vegetables” he said. I responded “I’m so sorry!” I took them from him, and took them back to their fenced area.

I inspected the fence and found part they may have gotten through but there were already bricks on the other side. He wasn’t taking any chances they’d get in through a second time. The chooks are part of the reason I don’t have veggie garden this year. And after the historic heatwave last week, I’m glad I don’t have one. (Never thought I’d say that!)

I’m also aware of a significant amount of shame I have for not ‘controlling’ my animals. In my ideal world we have no fences and animals roam as they please, no leashes, no boundaries. I didn’t say it was practical, just ideal. Until then, the shame is likely to be present.

Today I sent off two invoices that are drastically overdue, one eleven days after seeing the clients and one nine days after the event. What prevents me from sending out invoices? It’s not a priority, doesn’t seem as important. I know it will go out eventually. Money isn’t the main reason I do my work. Not a reason to get down on myself, but clearly something else at play. Self worth? Not sure, probably in some form. I’m so ready to let go of that shit!

Why do we do what we do? Why do I go to an event where I know quite a few people but subconsciousfeel most comfortable talking to people I met at the same event two years earlier, for most of the first hour I’m there and then the second hour letting go of my social awkwardness to connect with new people and others I’ve seen before, even a friend I haven’t seen in five years!

I hope the hypnotherapy course in February gets me closer to understanding or getting access to understanding the subconscious world at play that has us do what we do despite what we want to do, ought to do or really could do if we didn’t have our own shit in the way.